A Mindful Approach to Anger Management

“A safe haven where you are free to be

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”

Unlike other forms of ego, which lurk in the background and start to run the show through reactive responses we don’t recognise, anger is usually evidently clear and triggered by some event.

For example, jealousy might lead to moody, frustrated and insecure feelings. If you are unaware of these, you might think: wah, why am I frustrated?

What is this emotion?

Anger, on the other hand, is strong. It does not hide. And, if you are part of the human race, you may be rational, nice, loving and generous, all the qualities we admire, until that dark hour. Something triggers this emotion, and you feel consumed with wrath and rage. You are then out for the kill, out to destruct, with neither boundaries nor rationale.

You no longer see, feel or know. Sometimes you just want to argue, fight, humiliate and completely destroy the person at whom your anger is directed…

A particular sacred holy text believed to be part of the dead sea scrolls comes to mind.

The scripture explains that anger is fire energy, all-consuming and non-selective. It is used by the opponent or dark side to destroy. If uncontrolled, its destruction has no limit. An angry person feels inhabited by a force larger than himself, which completely takes over…

Over time, anger becomes stronger. The inner soul or essence becomes weaker, until a person loses everything: his wealth, health and happiness.

So how can we use anger to win the game of life or to achieve what we want?

Consider anger again: anger is raw, uncontrolled energy that gives you power, limitless power by which you feel consumed. So, how can you use this relentless energy for your benefit? What are the tools? It’s no use saying, “keep calm.” Everyone has tried that, and you cannot say it has really worked for you or anyone you know. We don’t know: has it worked for you?

If it has, then stop reading: this article is useless for you! But if you cannot keep calm when you’re angry, if the energy starts to boil inside of you: keep reading.

In order to know how to reap the benefits of anger, we must know why it is created…

What triggers anger?

Anger arises when we feel injustice or when we feel others have unfair behaviour. Depending on our attachments and associations this could relate to a cause, to ourselves, or to our family and friends.

So now that we know this, there is another essential thing to know: everything spoken in a moment of anger is a form of unconscious, ego-rising attack. Yes, everything you say while angry comes from your subconscious, which is why it is so destructive: it totally attacks another person’s ego and that is the pain they feel. But that is another subject altogether.

A Hindu Saint once said;When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.

What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small...’

In that moment in which you feel unjustly treated, you attack another person or event to try to eliminate or destroy that negative, unfair energy.

Hence, the easiest way to productively use anger as an opportunity is to truly understand the injustice causing these feelings and then actively confront it.

Here are three easy steps to anger management

Step 1 – Question
Feel the fire in your belly and notice the negative destructive thoughts, at that instance ask yourself
• What is it that I want & that I am not getting?
• Why is this situation unfair?
• Which point is irritating you?

Step 2 – Score
Focus on what you want to happen, create the outcome you want
• Know what the end result is.
• Achieve the goal/or have the end goal in mind.

Step 3 –Face your attacker
With all your energy and focus get what you want.
• Ask the person to apologise.
• Explain your point of view.
• Or simply build the result you want.

There is no point in wasting the energy of anger, what anger can destroy, it can equally build.

Good luck and let us know what anger has created for you….

Suggested Reading: Anger Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by THICH NHAT HANH

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