About Being Lonely and Loneliness

Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself…”

It seems that the planet’s social distancing measures pushed many thoughts, feelings and undesirable situations to the surface. Esther Perel- the relationship expert names it as “cocooning” which seems to be a term that is less gloomy.

Cocooning means a lot of time alone, a time of separation for most of us, a time with your mind, a time where all kinds of questions start to pop up. Do you find yourself questioning your relationship? How will you manage to survive each day? You don’t know why your partner is distant? You are not satisfied with the effort your partner is giving? Or just wondering and struggling with the long-distance relationship? You miss your partner and you just don’t know when you are going to see him/her again?? Suddenly all these soul-searching thoughts rise to the service.

All these ideas and silent interrogations are wiping out our “relating process” and are affecting our peace of mind. So, what do we do and how do we move forward? 1) Try to start observing your thoughts. 2) Where are they coming from? 3) Which feeling(s) are they creating? 4) Where in the body is that feeling(s)? 5) Can you do anything about it NOW? 6) if yes, do something and if not, it is not a priority so don’t worry about it at this point in time.

Constant negative thoughts will only add up to more suffering and pain, and this will lead to a constant never-ending vicious circle. Remind yourself that everything is temporary, and things will change because the only constant thing in life is movement and change.

Just the fact that you are spending 24 hours alone or with your family or feeling lonely is a huge step in the acceptance process and you should be proud of yourself.

Start by considering this “cocooning” a change, challenge it, appreciate it and nurture it. Below are some recommendations to reduce the pain of loneliness and separation:

Are you feeling lonely in a relationship?

Get creative by leaving small funny notes here and there, lead them on a treasure hunt full of notes until they find a nice surprise from you. Make it a point that at the end of the day to make up no matter what the issue is (unless you want to wake up to a grumpy face).

Feeling distant with your partner who is not living with you?

How about planning a virtual romantic dinner? Cook the same dish, get dressed as if you are going out on a special occasion. Spend a whole day virtually together. Give fun tasks to each other and challenge each other…

Feeling not connected with your partner?

Why don’t you role play (therapist/client) be open in discussing where the missing link is OBJECTIVELY? Be kind while talking and referring to things. Don’t blame or feel like a victim, on the contrary try to praise and appreciate each other and you would be surprised what might come along with some creativity.

Relationship advice for Men:

If a Woman is not asking for emotional support and help in home chores, a Man assumes he is giving enough.

• Gentlemen! Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished and loved! Support and Surprise them always. Help them during this phase by listening to them.
• Take them out on a date in your garden or kitchen, remind them how beautiful and lovable they are.

Relationship advice for Women:

When a Man loves a Woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer, men need space, so they tend to retreat.

• Ladies! Keep in mind that men are like rubber bands. Give them time to be… they will come back with more love. Be understanding of their need of autonomy.
• Also, sadly men can’t fortune tell, so tell them what you need help with or what you need them to do 😉

Make time to organise your days, it will keep you busy and fill your days with interactions and something to look forward to with you partner. In this way, both of you will have an enjoyable time and not fall prey to negative thinking.

It is always a good plan to take time to work on your body and mind. There are many tools that can help you be “Your Best You”; be it yoga, meditation, praying or saying affirmations, all have incredible healing powers and mind soothing effects.

Repeat the below affirmations for a self-love boost:

• I have no fear.
• The universe loves and takes care of me.
• All the love I need is within me.
• Other people remind me of the deep love I already have within.
• I love and appreciate myself.
• Nothing lasts forever, and this too shall pass…

Consider this time a self-growth period and you will be surprised what you will learn about your Self and other’s Self too. It is a time to be grateful for whatever you have, and the only way out is to keep a positive mindset by spreading love and appreciating everything that comes your way.

*If you need help with choosing affirmations or any questions or help with creative ideas when you have a block, please ask the healer here and we would be more than happy to support you.