Do Men Struggle with Emotions

Just Deal with It 

Are you a man struggling to express yourself in today's world?
Shamed for being sensitive, emotional, or simply expressive?
Told to 'man up' or just 'deal with it'?
But why is it this way?

Men and Emotions

Since the dawn of humanity, it has been widely referenced and accepted that men were hunters, while women were gatherers. This division shaped not only societal roles but also the mental states that is expected and even deemed ‘normal’ for each gender.

The hunter: Man

• Brave
• Fearless
• Resourceful
• The provider

The cave keeper: Woman

• Emotional
• Caring
• The nurturer

The idea of men as hunters has, over the years, fostered an accepted expectation for men to be harsh, cold, or even violent. Meanwhile, women were expected—if not automatically labelled—as emotional, nurturing, and soft.

Similarly, the expectation that men must be fearless and brave has discouraged them from expressing a range of emotions that didn’t scream ‘manliness’. This has even led to the shaming of men for feeling sadness or daring to cry. Boys were told not to cry, but to pull themselves together.

Emotions? Those were for women.
Men weren’t allowed to feel

Hunter and Hunter

Recent anthropological studies have revealed a surprising truth:

The traditional idea of hunters and gatherers may not be as we’ve long believed.

Data, some dating back to the 1800s, indicates that in over half of societies women were hunters too. Some even suggest that women, due to the effects of oestrogen, were better equipped for longer hunts than men.

With this in mind, a pressing question arises:

If society had always viewed men and women equally as hunters, would the ‘fact’ that men must be strong, never weak or vulnerable, have persisted, or even emerged at all? Would society’s perception of strength and emotional expression have been shifted? Could men have been ‘allowed’ to express themselves or feel differently?

From Cave to Brave

Over time, caves were replaced by homes, and hunts by jobs. Yet, for generations, men maintained their roles as breadwinners, and women continued as caregivers. With these roles came expectations: men were to remain strong, indifferent, and brave, and women as emotional, caring, and affectionate.

However, society did not stop at mere expectations. These expectations hardened into standards, which then became the norm. For generations, men have been expected to embody strength, stoicism, and control. They were taught that emotions are a sign of weakness, something to be hidden. Unfortunately, this unspoken rule has left many men silently struggling, burdened with unprocessed feelings and navigating an emotional area they were never taught to explore.

Men and Emotions

If men have learnt anything from their ancestors, to their fathers, it is to conceal emotions or deny their existence. Watching their fathers seldom express affection, they grew up without the environment to learn how to feel or express affection themselves. Those who dared to show emotion were often shamed, bullied, mocked, or, in some societies, even beaten.

From a young age, boys are taught to ‘toughen up’ and suppress their feelings. Phrases like "boys don’t cry" still echo through playgrounds, instilling the idea that vulnerability must be avoided at all costs. As these boys grow into men, they learn to hide their emotions behind masks of control, often using anger or silence as their go-to responses when faced with stress or emotional pain.

For many men, expressing sadness, fear, or even joy feels risky. The fear of being judged as weak, or less of a man, looms large.

While the mask of masculinity may seem protective, it often comes at a cost. Men are frequently left battling internal conflicts they cannot express. This conditioning often leads to emotional isolation, disconnecting them not only from others but also from their own feelings.

Men might experience:

• A sense of isolation
• Less understanding and support from loved ones, often due to their lack of expression.
• Chronic health issues from the unexpressed tension in their body
• Inability to develop proper coping strategies
• Difficulty resolving emotional conflicts
• Struggles with intimacy and relationships
• Psychological challenges like anxiety or depression.

Many men channel their unspoken emotions into work, sports, or other activities where they feel a sense of control. These outlets provide a temporary relief, but the underlying emotions remain unresolved. In some cases, this may lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as excessive drinking or isolation.

Emotional Freedom

With time, the narrative is starting to shift. More men are beginning to acknowledge that emotional openness is not only necessary but liberating. With the rise of mental health awareness, online communities, and changing societal attitudes, men are gradually stepping out from behind the emotional walls they’ve been taught to build.

Overcoming the emotional limitations imposed by societal expectations can be challenging, especially for men who may feel pressured to conform to traditional norms.

However, steps can be taken to transform this journey towards emotional freedom:

• Acknowledge Emotions: Recognise that emotions are not a threat but a natural part of life. Emotional resilience doesn’t come from ignoring or denying feelings; it comes from facing them head-on.
• Challenge Traditional Masculinity: Do not be afraid to question stereotypes that equate masculinity with emotional repression. Embrace a broader definition of what it means to be a man, one that includes empathy, vulnerability, and emotional intelligence.
• Develop Emotional Awareness: Take time to identify and label emotions. Journaling, mindfulness, or talking through feelings with a trusted friend or therapist can help in becoming more emotionally aware and comfortable.
• Create Safe Spaces for Vulnerability: Cultivate relationships that allow for open and honest emotional expression. Whether it’s with a partner, friend, or support group, finding non-judgmental spaces to share feelings can be incredibly healing.
• Engage in Therapy: Professional therapy or counselling can provide a safe, structured environment for exploring and processing emotions. Therapy helps deconstruct internalised ideas about masculinity and fosters emotional growth.
• Practice Emotional Expression: Regularly share emotions with others, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Simple steps like admitting frustration or sadness in conversation can build emotional resilience and ease.
• Learn to Ask for Help: Overcoming the emotional handicap often requires recognizing that it’s okay to ask for support. Reaching out when facing difficulties fosters connection and reduces the burden of isolation.
• Build Emotional Vocabulary: Expanding emotional vocabulary is crucial to articulating what one feels. Instead of defaulting to basic emotions like anger or stress, learning to express a wider range of feelings can help in navigating emotional landscapes.
• Seek Positive Male Role Models: Find men who have embraced emotional openness and vulnerability. Role models who exhibit a healthy balance between strength and emotional expression can provide valuable guidance.
• Engage in Self-Compassion: Be kind to oneself during the process of unlearning societal conditioning. Accept that change takes time and that missteps are part of growth.

Relearning Emotional Expression

For many men, expressing emotions isn’t easy. It takes time, practice, and a willingness to be vulnerable. But by breaking the silence, they can reconnect with themselves and others on a deeper level.

Emotional expression, much like any skill, is developed through repetition. The more men are encouraged to express their feelings – whether it’s sadness, fear, or even tenderness – the more comfortable they become with those experiences. Over time, this not only leads to healthier emotional states but also fosters stronger relationships.

New Definitions of Strength

A vital part of this process is redefining strength. Society’s old view of a strong man as one who never falters is gradually being replaced by a healthier definition: a man who can stand tall while acknowledging his vulnerabilities. True strength comes not from emotional suppression, but from the courage to face and process emotions fully.

Men who embrace this new definition of masculinity often find themselves more connected to the people around them. Relationships improve, friendships deepen, and the burden of isolation begins to lift. In this way, emotional expression becomes not just a personal victory, but a social one as well.

Leave the Cave

While societal expectations of men’s emotional behaviour have been slow to evolve, the winds of change are blowing. Men are realising that emotional openness is not a burden, but a relief. It allows for deeper connections, better mental health, and a life lived more authentically.

The path forward may have its challenges: Unlearning a lifetime of conditioning takes time, and the fear of judgement still lingers for many, but as more men choose to step out from behind the mask, they are likely to find a freedom that was once unthinkable – the freedom to feel fully, to express honestly, and to live openly.

In a world that is finally beginning to embrace emotional diversity, the future for men is now outside the mental and physical cave.