How To Deal With Worry

A safe haven where you are free to be

Under the influence of the new Bridget Jones movie,we decided to take this opportunity to make use of it in a more spiritual context.

Dear Diary,
3400 calories (so what???)
35 cigarettes (that was the past…)
Alcohol units: 8 (who cares?)
70kg (that’s only the form, focus on the formless)

This blog is probably more of a ladies’ thing than for the typical Alpha male, but no doubt there are men who, more emancipated, dare to delve into the women’s worry world and try to see things from a different point of view.

Do we have to worry?

In fact, yes we do worry about calories. We are identified with our form in some ways more than men because there is more pressure on us, not to mention all those skinny jeans and beautiful clothes we see on half-starving models ranging from a size 0 to 4 (probably, 6 is considered big). Size 0??? Is that even a size?? Etymologically, zero means emptiness—nothingness—sounds quite spiritual, doesn’t it?

I will not go into the reasons behind all this pressure or the whole women’s liberation movement, first-wave, second-wave, third-wave feminism—this is a never-ending, mind-wrecking, ego-identifying battle.

The bottom line is this. Can we say: who cares? So what? why worry? That is the past. Please ladies, let’s not get identified with the form; focus on the formless. Isn’t this what consciousness/spirituality is about??

Jack Kornfield says:
“If you can sit quietly after difficult news, if in financial downturns you remain perfectly calm, if you can see your neighbours travel to fantastic places without a twinge of jealousy, if you can happily eat whatever is put on your plate, and fall asleep after a day of running around without a drink or a pill…if you can always find contentment just where you are, you are probably a dog.”

What do we do?

Spirituality is not something impossible or beyond reach. It’s a series of baby steps. So, when you do something like overeating or find yourself getting upset about your weight, well, feeling anxious is not the solution, feeling bad or guilty is not the solution, crucifying yourself mentally is—also—not the solution.

What we can do, truly, is to take a breath. Embrace oneself. Accept what has happened and try to move forward in a more positive and productive (effective) manner.

When you embrace what has happened instead of fearing and blaming yourself, the way you can handle the situation will come from a more profound and sincere place, coming from within you instead of from your external, habit-conforming, peer-pressured mind state.

Going back to Jack Kornfield:

He told us in one of his recent workshops on “Loving Awareness” to “hold pain, fear, and anxiety with caring attention, hold it like a mother holds a baby: with love and tolerance.”

Tolerate yourself and what you blame or judge yourself for. Probably, your mind has the jury verdict already pronounced—GUILTY ON ALL COUNTS—with a sentence of 99 years of guilt, fear, and anxiety.

Kornfield continues, telling us to “act well without attachments to the fruits of our actions; to have an intimate conversation with yourself with your heart. This is Loving Awareness….”

We would like to add to that: why don’t you also sing a song to your mind? You would be surprised what a song can do to elevate your mood. It maybe even can be a wake-up call. The hit song for this particular mind frame is:
F***K You by Lilly Allen

Here’s some interesting lyrics:
Do you get
Do you get a little kick out of being small-minded?
You want to be like your father
It’s approval you’re after
Well, that’s not how you find it

Do you
Do you really enjoy living a life that’s so hateful?
‘Cause there’s a hole where your soul should be
You’re losing control a bit
And it’s really distasteful

This a deep, meaningful exercise designed with love and awareness:

Sit in a comfortable position. Start by inhaling and exhaling slowly. Then, imagine yourself as a child. Try to remember a happy moment from your childhood. Remember the feeling, the colour, the energy from that moment, and try to bring it to yourself in this meditation. Then, when you feel comfortable with your young self, feeling happy and at ease, make a vow for yourself. Make a positive vow for your younger, child self, something to follow now as an adult that you had forgotten.

Now, gently open your eyes. Write down that vow on a piece of paper. Keep it in a place that you can always see—maybe even on an altar. Most importantly, keep it as a reminder of how you will always remember that little child within you.

We hope you will repeat this exercise often. Always remember “to expand your window of tolerance” and be kind to yourself. Whenever you feel yourself slipping, do this exercise again so that you are surrounded by loving reminders.

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